Letter To … Atatiana

Dear Atatiana Jefferson,

You should be alive today. You should be learning more about medicine and continuing your career path of becoming a doctor. You should be playing with your nephew, challenging him to arcade games and chasing him through the playgrounds. You should be changing the world just like your mother said you always wanted to do. You should be laughing, or smiling, or thinking, or crying, or wondering, or doing whatever you feel like doing. You should be alive today. But the vile hatred and racism of this country did not allow you to do so. Instead, on October 12, 2019, a police officer came into your home and stole your life without any hesitation. That same cop, free on bail, now faces a trial this August and I worry the same thing will happen that we see happen at almost every trial. Like a damn broken record that shouts out “acquitted from all charges” over and over again with every new loss of precious Black life. And for that, I am sorry. I am sorry that you had to become another name on a seemingly never-ending list of names who did not get afforded the same right to life that this country claims is your birthright. I am sorry that the world will be in shock if even a little justice is served at the trial of your killer, because so rarely does that happen. I am sorry that as Black women, we can’t even exist in the walls of our own fucking home without being considered a threat.

I’m sorry that on that night you became a symbol of a movement without having any say in the matter. I know that people say that life isn’t always fair but for you, and other Black women alike, somehow it became life is never fair. And I know we deserve better. We deserve to accomplish every goal we set for ourselves, to love and to be loved, to find joy, to discover our passions, to be vulnerable, and to go to sleep knowing we get to wake up and do it all over again tomorrow. You deserved to see your 29th birthday. You deserved so much more than this country and its horrible, corrupt, hateful system could ever give you. Nothing about this is ok. Nothing about this is normal and it should never be normalized. There’s so much anger in my heart when I think about you and the countless others who should be alive today. I know that it’s not healthy to carry so much anger around but at this point, I don’t know what else to feel. All I know is that you should be alive today. I don’t think there’s any way to make it better or make it any less painful for your loved ones who no longer get to see you and your joy. No conviction, no online post, no protest is going to ever make up for what happened. But if there is one thing I will do, that we will all do, it’s make sure that your life and legacy is always remembered. You will not be forgotten. 

We will keep fighting for you, Atatiana Jefferson.

Love,

Dominique Buford

Author: Dominique Buford

Addressee: Atatiana Jefferson